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spednut:

scarletttlady:ladyquinto:dreamylove:nepasaller:stagioni:articuno:warnthesun:breathtaking:
Doug: I don’t think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.
Alan: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It’s not gambling when you know you’re gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu: It’s also illegal.
Alan: It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
Phil: I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.
Alan: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.
Doug: Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Alan: Oh really?
Doug: It’s not easy.
Alan: Okay, well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ra-tard.
Stu: A what?
Alan: He was a ra-tard.
Doug: Retard.

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